Saying Goodbye to 2020

2020 has posed hurdles and setbacks for everyone this year. The pandemic, wildfires, passing of influential people such as RBG, Chadwick Boseman, and Kobe Bryant, as well as Brianna Taylor, George Floyd and countless innocent Black lives-- this year has left all of us exhausted and ready for change. With a few days left in the year we're finally seeing a bit of hope, as the COVID-19 vaccine is being administered to healthcare workers and those who are considered high risk. 

It's been hard for me to post about more personal things this year, as I feel that I have been very blessed and privileged. So many people around the world have had it much worse. I'm happy to have my physical health, my body (while not in the shape it was pre-pandemic) has carried me through these hard times and that's something to be thankful for. 

If I'm honest, despite my life being relatively good my stress and anxiety have been pretty close to their all time highs. Planning a wedding admist the pandemic comes with it's own set of stresses, and I haven't been getting the rest or sleep I need due to the current state of my career. While I like what I do hustle culture has me burnt out. I'm recognizing that because of set backs earlier in my career I am pushing myself harder than ever and striving to be the very best I can. Thankfully that has set me up for success from a growth perspective, however the additional hours and effort I'm putting in to my job have been rough on my physical and mental health.

In past years, especially during college, I posted a bit more about myself and my life. I felt that these posts were relatable to other young people reading my blog. It's gotten harder to share as I've gotten older, I'm still finding my 'adult' voice, while remaining authentic in what I write. I wasn't sure I wanted to post a 'wrap up' this year, but I watched Suzie Bonaldi and Alexa Losey's recent videos and felt that I owed that honesty to my readers. I want to post about things that are real. While I love beauty and skincare, not breaking those posts up feels fake in many ways. I feel as if I am not presenting my authentic self. 

I had huge plans for my blog this year, I wanted to keep to a more frequent schedule, post a pre-wedding skincare routine, break into other niches and begin posting more about wellness and my personal exercise routine. Unfortunately none of those things happened, I found myself being ashamed to post pictures of my body online, even though I got an awesome opportunity to work with a swimwear brand! I fell out of my wellness and physical fitness habits as access to my office (and office gym) were understandably restricted. 

I've also had a love hate relationship with blogging, and social media this year, as my work schedule has encroced onto my personal time. As a blogger, your Instagram ads are constantly flooded with masterclasses and workshops on how to monetize and grow, and while that's great, and I would love to do that, I also want to continue to enjoy writing. 

Instead of dwelling on the negative I've been working on expressing gratitude for the blessings I have in my life. I have been using a gratitude journal (52 Weeks of Gratitude by Ink & Willow) to help me focus on the good in my life and I think it has really helped to refresh the lense through which I see the world. I encourage you to get a gratitude journal, or list 5 things you're thankful for at the end of each week. It's really helped me shift my mindset.

I'm hoping 2021 will be a fresh start in many ways. I'll be getting married in June, we're starting to plan for next steps like purchasing our first home, I'm hoping to set more boundaries with my career, and get back into health and wellness routines again. Thank you for sticking with me on my journey so far, and I hope you'll stay tuned for these next steps as we move into 2021. 
xx, Patti 
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